It is impossible to overemphasize the immense need humans have to be really listened to, to be taken seriously, to be understood. –Paul Tournier
Making the decision to start personal counselling is not an easy step. People usually make it because they are in great pain. They are anxious or depressed. They lack self-esteem or are experiencing relationship dysfunction.
These are the words clinicians use to describe “issues” that are presented to them. Medicine and psychology need those terms to make a diagnosis. But that’s not the way real people describe what is bothering them.
What they are, actually, is broken-hearted or sad or lost or stricken with grief. They are moody, angry or worried. They can’t find love or make it work when they do. They are stuck. They are critical, constantly belittling themselves, “There’s something the matter with me”, or “I’m not good enough”. They have lost or never had confidence. Parents or partners do not accept them the way they are. Sometimes they don’t know why but they’re just really unhappy.
That’s the way real people experience their problems and it’s often suffering that drives them to a personal counsellor, but when they take that step their lives often change for the better.
I call what I offer personal counselling because it is personal. I see everyone I talk to as a person who is absolutely unique, with their own story and way of looking at life. I do not see the problem; I see the person. Nor is what I do therapy.
Therapy suggests that something is broken and needs a diagnosis to be fixed. I am not a psychotherapist because I don’t see the people I talk to as needing therapy for their psyches. They are just doing their best to deal with all the stuff that life throws at them. They aren’t damaged, although sometimes they believe they are.
Confidential Personal Counselling
I am a personal counsellor because I offer counsel just the way powerful Kings sought out someone they could trust to give them wise counsel when faced with thorny dilemmas.
I help people deal with their difficulties. I walk with them through whatever they are going through. And I do it without judgement. I create a safe space for my clients to explore their thoughts and feelings and be vulnerable in a way that won’t shame or embarrass them.
That’s what personal counselling can offer that even good friends or partners or parents cannot. One can never be sure that even those who care about you will not judge you.
To be willing to confront your troubles, you have to be honest about what’s going on; to be open you need to know that you are in a place that is absolutely confidential and where you will be accepted without criticism or judgement.
Listening Without Judgement
Finally, I’ve learned that whatever symptom of emotional distress shows up, it is always pointing to a lesson that must be learned. The only way to deal with problems is to grow bigger than they are.
There is always some task required for relief. It may be to adopt a new perspective; you may have to find a way to open your heart or accept yourself; it might be an action you decide, a grievance to forgive or a conflict to mend.
You may need to care for your soul or pay attention to what your psyche or spirit is asking of you. It may be necessary to follow your heart or find a new path.
By talking over what is troubling you with a counsellor you trust, whether in person, online or on the telephone, you can figure out what’s really wrong and then find a way to resolve it. It’s that kind of reflection and dialogue that will always make you a better, bigger and happier person than you were before you began the conversation.
To learn more about Alan Mayer, visit the homepage.